Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Life, or Something Like It


Source unknown; found on Pinterest

I am a bit neurotic. I am a compulsive planner. I am obsessively organized, and it will bug me incessantly if I somehow mess it up. Failure is not an option for me, so when I do fail at something I am incredibly hard on myself. Leave me alone for too long in a quiet room, and I will start to go crazy. I constantly overbook myself, because I don't enjoy having nothing to do. In fact, I thrive on action-packed or stressful situations. Or, rather, I will get overwhelmed and cry, but as soon as my cry is over I will thrive. 

If you know me in real life, you will know that these are not startling revelations. 

It isn't always easy to live in harmony with my quirks; instead, I often feel as though I am battling against them. I am uncomfortable with change {if it is sprung on me}, so it tends to make me {more than} a little bit hard to live around. 

I had a plan for my life. I had set goals and deadlines, as well as establishing check-points to ensure that I was on track in order to live up to my plan. Instead of changing the deadline, I would alter the method that I would use to reach my goals. Everything was incrementally mapped out, the way one would lay out the route for a marathon. 

Are you surprised to hear that my life has not gone according to my plan? You shouldn't be. I'm not even that surprised, if I'm completely honest with myself. But that doesn't mean that it is easy to give up The Plan. It means forgiving yourself for not meeting your goals, for taking turns in life that you didn't ever expect yourself to take. It's about letting go of the constant that you had to rely on that is no longer even a remote possibility.

We all have a plan, whether we admit it or not. Those vague ideas that flit around in your head of when you want to get married, have kids, buy a house, or even what job you want to do: those are all part of your plan. Mine was detailed; methodically laid out in a logical sequence complete with concrete deadlines. 

I did not make those deadlines. It's extremely difficult for me to reconcile the fact that I failed, and even harder for me to accept that I have had to change my timeline so drastically from what I had originally envisioned for myself.

The next time I'm having a hard time accepting that my life didn't go according to my plan, remember that I'm happy. I'm so happy with so many aspects of my life that it can be overwhelming at times--but that doesn't stop me from lamenting what I see as failures. 

Are you hard on yourself about anything?

6 comments:

Sarah Stright said...

Hey lady! I found your blog from the Yours Truly blog hop and I'm now following you- I hope you'll stop by and follow me as well. By the way, I loved reading this post- it felt like you were talking about me. I'm the exact same way- always needing something new in the works, I need to have a plan, something to keep going and when things don't work out, I get so hard on myself. I'm trying to work on that.
xo, Sarah

Sarah Stright said...

Hey lady! I found your blog from the Yours Truly blog hop and I'm now following you- I'd love if you could stop by and follow me as well. By the way, I loved this post. It felt like you were talking about me. I'm the same way in that I always have a plan, I always need something in the works, I overbook myself far too often. And then when things don't work out, I'm really hard on myself. I'm working on it though.

Ley said...

Thanks for stopping by!

One thing that I love about writing these types of posts is finding out that I'm not alone with some of my crazy. Somehow it's comforting knowing that this isn't unique to me!

Gia Martinez said...

Okay, can I just say that I am now in love with your blog as soon as I finished reading this. It's so rare to come across posts with such honesty and passion. I'm following you now and I look forward to your future posts. In the mean time, I'm going to grab a cup of Swiss Miss and do some back reading.

Regarding this post, I think we are the complete opposite. I tend to be the "happy go lucky gal" and I want to change it. I plan nothing, I just do whatever I feel like doing in the exact moment. The only thing that has my attention is my online business, nothing else. I go to uni but I rarely attend lectures, I don't care what happens. And yes, I agree that we ALL have plans, but my problem is that I don't do anything about it. I just sit back, relax, and subconsciously just wait for it to happen.. and I know that's not possible.



- Gia from http://www.lovelyserendipity.com

Amber McCain said...

I over plan and it never turns out like it should!

Jennifer Durham said...

I feel the same way. I'm turning 39 this year and I'm not anywhere close to what I had planned way back when. Not in a bad way, just so different. I found you through Sippy Cups and Pearls.

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